1. |
Spring
03:18
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I spent the weekend with my friends
Getting drunk and eating too much
Acting like we rule the world
When it's fucking us over
We all push through the week again
And all go to Mark’s on Friday
When Sunday morning shows her face
We’ll be right where we started
If it keeps getting cold like this
I don’t know if I’ll make it
I’ll put my scarf and mittens on
But they can’t make my meds work
Spring on this campus
Looks a lot like winter elsewhere
I’ll never understand where they get off
Telling us it’s getting warmer
While my muscles are all frozen
And my episodes get so bad that
I can’t pull my cold ass out of bed
Stand in the crowd and sing my heart out
Crying about how I peaked at fifteen
The summer’s coming and I can’t stand
The overwhelming pressure to have a good time
Tell me, do you really give a shit about my art?
I never saw it coming that you’d be
Smart enough to give me blue lips
Saying you would check my SoundCloud
If I keep getting sad like this
I don’t know if I’ll make it
I’ll throw my heart up to the clouds
Screaming, “Why?”
And if you ever loved me
You sure have a funny way of showing it
I don’t know why, but
I can’t keep my head above the water
And as I drown at least
I get to swim among the fish
We should have saved the Great Barrier Reef
Instead of me
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2. |
Safety Blanket
02:59
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Party at our place
A couple bottles down the hatch
Said they’d be back in ten
So we waited for your car
The headlights pull up
And we shout, “Thank you god”
As you put up, pull up, show up,
I’ll never be your girl
As much as I’d like to,
You’re too far inside yourself
The war between my lungs
Can only be solved by
Our breathing coexisting
You used to be my safety blanket,
But I got too warm
Guess I’ll have to trust my skin
There’s strength in our number
So count your blessings as they leave
Choices made after midnight never come cheap
I’m wringing my hands hoping you’ll ring the doorbell
And crawl back with apologies
Tell me not to worry
That the voices in my head are all made up
But just like Dumbledore said,
Why would in my head mean they’re not real?
You used to be my morning protein shake,
But I’m too buff
Guess I’ll stick with steak and eggs
I think I’ll never come back
And see the city this way
Orange and pink fade to blue
I’m still thinking of you
Turn that playstation on
And pretend we’re all okay
It’s just fine
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3. |
Down
04:58
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Sitting here in your room
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
But I know I’m not supposed to cry
When I go down on you
But I guess maybe this is why they call it
Going down
Lying here in the sheets
There’s nothing between us, dear
Except the sweat that draws a line
Climbing up our inner thigh
I can’t shake the feeling that I guess we are both
Going down
Long Island’s saying, “Come to me”
And Texas says it’ll set you free
So won’t you, baby, promise me that
We will never change
Give me strength to be
The kick-ass, sweet cacophony
That you promise I can be and
I will be for you
Soaking here in the rain
So happy that I’m in pain
Before you my life was so dull
Your heart can’t break unless it’s full
But our days are numbered
Up until we break apart
Then at that point we’re
Going down
Come on, baby, stay with me
Keep your eyes open with ease
I can’t bring myself to sleep
‘Cause it means that when we wake
We’ll be going separate ways
So keep your eyelids from
Falling down
Now Boston’s saying, “Come to me”
And Brooklyn says it’ll set you free
So won’t you, baby, promise me that
We will never change
Give me strength to be
The kick-ass, sweet cacophony
That you promise I can be and
I will be for you
Shake me from my pedestal
Wrap me up in your love
Give me something I can use as
Something to fall asleep to
I never thought I’d feel this way
The place I left is where I reap what
I’ve been missing and
That one thing is you
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4. |
Flirting With Death
03:43
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I wanna feel like you’re inside my bones
When I’m rockin’ to sleep
Cut me and divide me up even to
Give me some peace
‘Cause I’d never felt this way until
You strung me out to dry
Call me a masochist ‘cause
I’m starting to think I like it when I cry
One more drink and I’ll tell you
I’m undressing you with my eyes
It’s kinda makin’ me nervous, but
Baby I don’t mind
If there’s one thing that I remember
From music history of the west
It’s to analogize cumming with dying
So let’s close our eyes
And flirt with death
I’ve been laying in this thick fog
For a couple hours
Can’t tell if I’m starting to change
Or if I’m just bored
Shifting titles for myself
In some attempt to make my name
I’m already playing with myself
A game I know that two can play
So let’s play
Yeah, I see an image of
Myself before you
Take a minute to say my name as
You savor what I’m feeling too
An entire generation
Of desensitization
Is pouring out in front of me
Tell me, what can I do
To make you move the way you do
Inside my dreams
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5. |
My Type
04:15
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You’re the type of movie I wouldn’t see in the theaters
But I’d bootleg you on solarmovie
And watch you in my underwear
From the comforts of my home
You’re the type of credit I wouldn’t go for
Unless you satisfied two core requirements
Meaning that I just might
Graduate on time
You’re the type of T-shirt I only sport when
All my favorite one’s are in the wash
The type of CD I only pull out
During boring road trips
But I like awful movies and outfits that don’t match
Dusty, B-rate CD’s and efficient credit stacks
So I guess you just might be my type
You’re the grand piano that I play in the twilight
Screaming poetry that I would never share
Unless you might stumble in here asking, “Who?”
And, “Just what have you been up to?”
You’re a guppy swimming fast through the river
Darting past the watching eyes
And when you’re drifting, my breathing gets stiller
So I don’t miss when you fly
But I like midnight ravings about my trashy love
And I hope someday you’ll swim over and tell me what you’re thinking of
And what is your type of love
You’re the type of headache that leaves me laying in bed
Cursing at my reading lamp
For straining my eyes and keeping me up so late
I’ll break the type of silence that I can’t find comfort in
For a brief moment of adrenaline that leaves me at your feet
You’re the type of movie, the type of credit,
The type of T-shirts, CD’s,
The baby grand, the guppy man,
The headache and the silence
So I guess you just might be the headache and, so quietly,
I guess you just might be my type
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6. |
Honeybee
05:35
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I’ve been questioning everything
Wondering what I did wrong
to kill the purest love I ever had
I’ve been thinking
And living inside my head
Because it’s just as lonely out there
As it is in here
And I’m trying so hard not to, but I might always love you
But never in the same way as before
Our romance met its maker while we were fast asleep
Now I’m the only one waking up
Tell me, Honeybee
Where things should be
Because for so long I trusted your eyes alone
What I wouldn’t give
For just one more taste of the thrills we had
But I’m sick of digging through the past
Searching for something that we merely had
Lush words shared between lovers’ hearts
Torn up and thrown to the wolves
For sport or maybe for slight of chance
Love so beautiful and care so much deeper than my bones
Being pushed into the overpass to linger no more
And I’m trying so hard not to think that you will never love me
Even if it’s just different than before
Our romance met its maker while we were fast asleep
Now I’m stuck in paralysis
Can you hear me?
Baby, please
Take my fears and we’ll run away
To a place where the nights are quiet
And we’ll stay hidden in the dark
Consummate with me and the melody
‘Cause you can’t take my heart away
‘Cause it’s already been sold and shipped off
Wrapped up for you
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7. |
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I had finally sunk my teeth into
Something beautiful that I would never trade
I was crazy for a taste of something that you’re holding on to
So I can’t be so surprised
That you walked back to your consciousness
For a moment of relief
Leaving me to question everything
And as I watch the play by play
From my spot here in the cheap seats
I’ll tell you everything I did wrong
I won’t suffer anymore
Searching for the keep that opens up the door
To your heart
‘Cause there’s just four blank walls
Telling me that I should comply with something I am not
I was in one too many Kirky Sig’s
To tell you anything untruthful
But if my ambiguity makes you start to sweat
Maybe you’re in one too many too
I think you’re beautiful
In every single way
Except the part where everyone knows
You’re a narcissist
And I can tell just from the way you’re looking at me
I don’t like you as much as you like you
Cursed are the midnight dreams that lead to you
Lord, give me strength to find the peace that’s hidden inside of me
To complete my transformation operation to rid myself of desperation
For anyone as unworthy as you
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Natalie Fideler Minneapolis, Minnesota
Natalie's music tastefully embodies the intersections of saccharine nerd rock, 90s female angst, and a singer-songwriter sensibility. Her funky fresh mix of pop, alt rock, and R&B will leave you dancing and ripping your heart out at the same time. Her vulnerable lyrics transform each song into a story that speaks the truth of raw human experience whether it be tongue in cheek or right on the nose. ... more
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